Romance – The Third ‘R’ of the Bedroom

Los Angeles Whole Life Times Magazine – Feng Shui Clinic: Jan 2002

In this column we will continue to explore how to re-shape the home to support you in good health, joyous relationships and career success. Feng shui philosophy contends: if the home is in harmonious surroundings and arranged in an harmonious manner, the inhabitants of that home will reflect that harmony and live more harmonious lives.

I read in a book that feng shui can improve one’s life: career, academic success, relationships and so forth. My relationship is concerning me the most. I love my husband but it seems the “magic” is waning. Is there any feng shui solutions that would help. I’m including some photographs of my home. What can I do? —- Gloria, Granada Hills

Last issue we mentioned the three R’s of the bedroom – Rest, Rejuvenation and Romance. Of course rest and rejuvenation are the first consideration. When a relationship is new (a year or two), the newness is much like an aphrodisiac. As my mother used to say, “When you are in love, even a park bench is wide enough. After the newness wears off, even a king-size bed might not be big enough.”

In fact, king-size beds and over-size bedrooms tend to diminish the feelings of intimacy. Just as a bed that is too small or placed up against a wall inhibits free movement and feelings of independence. Keep this in mind when designing your romantic environment. The bed should be in proportion to the room with adequate space to move around it. In addition to rest and rejuvenation the bedroom should also be a place for intimacy.

[Illustration: (see hard copy suggestion) 1) of large bed with two box springs under neath, a sheet between the two; 2) of beam over bed and two stick figures on either side of it.]

The real problem with most king-sized beds are the two box springs beneath the mattress which inclines each partner to roll away from the center. A similar sense of division that fosters separation is experienced if there is an exposed beam running lengthwise directly over the bed. If you need to have a king-size bed, replace the double box spring with a wooden platform. Likewise, if there is a beam over the bed try to reposition the bed out from under the beam or cover the beam with fabric. Some feng shui authorities say that putting a large sheet over the double box springs can symbolize unification. Regardless of the size of the bed, if you want to bring passion back into the relationship, try the feng shui technique of placing a large red fabric under the mattress.

Bring Life Into The Bedroom But Not Too Lively As I look at the photographs of your bedroom, I notice colors, wall-hangings, objects on table tops and positioning of furniture.

In designing your bedroom observe the symbolism of wall-hangings and table top objects. All art and objects d’art should be treated with the same consideration. Avoid negative images like a storm-tossed boat drifting in a foggy ocean or circus clowns and acrobats. Use pictures that set an intimate mood. The family pictures on your side table, belong in a family room or just not facing the bed so that you or your husband don’t open your eyes after a passionate moment, see your parents photos and think, “Hi Mom. Hi Dad.” Do you really want your whole family sitting on your end table watching you make love?

Looking at the pictures you sent me I would also say your bedroom is too white as if you are trying to maintain the magic of your wedding night. White is a color of purity. As the dominant color in the bedroom it is too sterile and lifeless. However with white as the backdrop, color becomes more vibrant. The creative use of color for drapes, lamp shades, throw pillows on the bed or a colorful blanket draped over the arm of a chair would bring life-energy (ch’i) into this room. Of course you do not want to make the room too lively or rest and intimacy will be lost.

The large mirror doors in the room also detract from a potentially peaceful and intimate ambience. Large mirrors, or too many mirrors, bounce light making a quiet room feel too busy. Mirrors also multiply images and can make a bedroom feel very crowded, especially when positioned at the foot of the bed. Mirrors at the foot of the bed, beside being disturbing to sleep, may result in continual arguments while sitting in bed looking at yourselves.

Indeed, consider whatever you are looking at will be what you are inspired to talk about. In your situation, there is a nice framed picture on the wall but slightly to the right, opposite the foot of the bed, there is an open bathroom door. Is one of you looking at the toilet while the other is looking at visionary art? Is one of you talking about the ‘crap’ in life while the other talks of dreams of the future?

Evaluate also if you both have equality on either side of the bed? Do you each have enough room to stand up and walk comfortably along side the bed? Or is one of you blocked by obstacles, tripping over clutter, avoiding the sharp edges of a bureau or armoire? Starting or ending a day with these seemingly easy-to-adjust-to minor irritations inevitably gets expressed as nit-picky complaints and unexplainable hostile over reactions to petty situation. All of which result in distractions from rest, rejuvenation and romance.

The Ba-gua Template

With the growing interest in feng shui books and classes many people have heard about the Ba-gua or eight-sided diagram (ba-eight; gua-sides). The Ba-gua Template assigns one of Eight Aspirations to an area of the house, property or room. One of these Aspirations relates to your Personal Relationships.

[Illustrations – see hard copy of box divided into a tic-tac-toe board with one corner shaded in]

The Personal Relationship Gua (side) of the house in one system (Compass School) is said to be in the South West of the home or room while in another system (Black Sect Tantric Buddhist School) the Personal Relationship area is said to be in the far right corner of the home or room as you look in at the entrance way of the home or room. Each orientation has its underlying principles. Whichever school you choose to use, be consistent. Both schools have their strengths and either will assist you in living more harmoniously.

Now analyze what items or images are in the Personal Relationship Gua of your home and of each room. Are these items or images positive or negative? If they are negative, you are probably in a difficult relationship or not in a relationship at all. For instance, is this area of the home missing? Is this where you have a kitty litter box, trash can or dirty laundry? Is it possible your relationships are being flushed down the toilet? Is there an image of a single woman or single man in this area? Is there nothing in these areas? If the answer is “yes” to any of these questions, do whatever possible to change the situation.

If the images are positive, you are probably in a successful, romantic and mutually supportive relationship. Whether positive or negative, you can enhance the Relationship Gua with positive symbolism. Use intimate colors like pinks and pastels, use double images like two ducks, two candlesticks or two angels entwined in love. If this corner of the home is missing, consider what you could put in the outside area that would ‘fill’ in the space. How about a bird bath with two love birds perched on the rim, a rattan bench for two, or a flower garden?

Energize with Prayer & Affirmation

To further reinforce any of your physical changes consider further activating your positive enhancements with prayers and affirmations. By putting your hands together in prayer (mudra), reciting prayerful affirmations (mantra) and quieting the mind to “see” the results happening (visualization), we attune our Body, Mind and Spirit. In this way we plant the ‘seed’, we ‘water’ it and then, as we visualize the results, we begin the process of bringing our Aspirations into manifestation. Following this course of action will strengthen your existing Personal Relationships, or attract a mate so you too can enjoy romance in your life.

[illustration: 3/4 back view of person with hands in prayer a ubble over their head with thei visualizing of a loving couple holding hands or embracing.]

In the next Feng Shui Clinic we will examine the feng shui assertion that as much as 80% of people’s health complaints can be traced to the poor feng shui of the home so send your feng shui health questions to: Elliot Tanzer, 31558 Lakeridge Court, Temecula, California, 92591. or via e-mail at: Elliot Tanzer is available for feng shui and astrological consultations in Los Angeles and throughout southern California.

Feng Shui Tip of the Month

It is important to choose positive, uplifting and inspiring images to decorate your home and place of business. Feng shui theory states that what you see is what you get. Harmony or dysfunctionality? The choice is yours. So choose wisely and choose harmoniously. When you open your front door, hang a picture on the wall opposite the front door that is inspiring, place a vase with fresh flowers on a table and keep the floor clear of clutter. In this way you will encourage creativity, vision, harmony, abundance and great opportunities.