Harmonize Your Relationships With Feng Shui

The Maui Voice – Spring 1999

The Chinese words, Feng Shui (pron. fung sch’way), literally mean: “wind” and “water.” Feng Shui is often referred to as the Chinese art of placement and interior design. It is the study of how the surrounding environment and utilization of one’s home can effect the inhabitants for better or worse.

Historically the study of Feng Shui can be traced back over 3000 years. Since the late 1960’s, we in the Occident have become increasingly familiar with such oriental studies as acupuncture, tai chi and the I Ching while the study of Feng Shui has only made its way into the popular consciousness in the late 1980’s. Now at the turn of the millennium the awareness of Feng Shui can be found everywhere.

What Is Feng Shui

The different techniques of Feng Shui diagnosis reveals how our home environment reflects whom we are. At all times, we must remember that problems in health, wealth or relationships are not caused by the home environment. Rather we look to the home as an outer manifestation of who we are: our aspirations, our conditioning or our areas of inner conflict externalized. Then by rearranging furniture or positioning certain objects we create harmony that allows us to move forward in resolving our core issues.

Like everything else, what and whom we chose to be involved with reflects who we are – both that part of ourselves we are aware of and those parts of ourselves that we are unconscious of. As Carl Gustav Jung is quoted as saying, “Any unrealized energy or potential exteriorizes as fate or destiny.” Or as my friend Charlie once reminded me, “If it is happening to you, it is happening for you.” In short, we are not victims of our environment but rather the creators of it. So by paying attention to all areas of our life as reflected in our environment, we can unload the emotional baggage, redeem past life karma, and evolve to fulfill our soul’s purpose.

In other words, regardless of what we may find in the home that indicates relationship problems, the real solution is not simply to hang a prism crystal or paint the relationship area of the house pink. Ultimately, it is up to you to confront your inner demons, resolve your issues with your parents, rescue your Inner Child, and to do whatever other inner work is appropriate for you.

Feng Shui Removes Obstacles & Strengthens Intentions

Essentially, Feng Shui addresses how the ch’i (energy) flows through an environment. The value of Feng Shui therefore is to bring our awareness to those areas of our life which are not in harmony with our intention. There are several approaches to making these adjustments and enhancements. That is, by adjusting the home environment we can remove obstacles and other aggravating factors that distract, slow down or, in some other way, divert our attention from dealing with the real issues.

In Feng Shui there are different levels of approach. One is to deal with the functional level such as removing obstacles and clutter or by spraying WD-40 on squeaky hinges and fixing dripping toilets. Another energetic level is symbolic as we read the symbols of images, pictures, objects and placement of furniture or even the kitty litter box and determine our unconscious intentions as express by these symbolic items. For example: one client who recently went through a difficult divorce had a black and white photo of a thorny rose bush over her bed in her new home.

The Ba-Gua

One of the primary tools of Feng Shui analysis is the Ba-gua which is used as a template to divide a house, room or property into nine areas of life activity. In the Black Sect Tantric Buddhist School of Feng Shui the Relationship Corner is the far right corner of the Ba-gua as determined from the front door of the house or main entrance of a room. It is also the far right corner of the property as determined from your pathway or driveway from the street you live on. In determining importance it should be remembered that adjusting the room is primary, the house secondary and the property tertiary.

So now go check what things are in these corners and answer these questions: Are you missing that corner of the house? Is that where your bathroom is located? Or utility room with trash cans, kitty litter or piles of dirty laundry? Does the property slope down hill and do your relationships go down hill? What about each room: are there dark images, pictures of parents, single images, clutter, etc.? In other words, do you need help in your relationships or is this area of your life flowing smoothly?

The Relationship Corner

One of my favorite case histories is the client with two empty guitar cases in his Relationship Corner. Once I brought his awareness to the two empty guitar cases which symbolizes his several years without a significant relationship, he immediately grabbed his expensive guitars and filled the cases.

He also got literal. As a psychologist, he had a closet filled with stuffed animals for his clients to hold. He selected two stuffed animals, a black and white kitty and a black and white cow. He placed these on top of the guitar cases. They looked cute together. Sure enough he met someone within days. It only lasted a month. When I questioned him soon after, he reported she was sweet and lovely but to slow in everything she did. Too much like a cow. Ah-ha! He made the connection.

He immediately replaced these black and white dolls with a pink bunny and a pink pig. “Wait.” I said, “look at what you are choosing. Which one are you?””Oh!” he said, “I’m the kitty,” and he replaced the pig with the kitty. Sure enough he met someone with whom he said he had the best sex ever. After a year of dating, they decided to live together. Point is, Feng Shui can be very literal. However it won’t solve your problems (such as being uptight, demanding and critical) but it will assist you to move along in your process.

Another favorite case history is the client whose bathroom was in the Relationship Corner of the house. For years she had many affairs and many disappointments. She was quick to comprehend that her relationships were constantly going down the toilet.

Beside suggesting she keep it clean and tidy and to only use pink, white or even pale yellow colors and no dark, dank colors in her bathroom, I also suggested she hang a 50mm Austrian leaded glass prism crystal on a nine inch red ribbon. Which she did. Within two weeks she met someone new. It is almost a year later and they are still very much in love. When people ask how they met, she says, “Well, Ron was walking down the alley and saw this crystal hanging in my bathroom and wanted to know why any one would hang such a big crystal in their bathroom. We’ve been with each other ever since.” In this case Feng Shui is a system to assist you in setting your intention and holding that intention.

The Bedroom

The three ‘R’s of the bedroom are: rest, rejuvenation and romance. Does your bed and bedroom support these three requirements? Or is it too energetic with mirrors and circus scenes? Or is it drab with frayed curtains and does it have pictures over the bed which are dark and morose? Or is one side of the bed up against a wall, has lots of clutter and is hard to get in and out of? Is there equality: do both sides of the bed have a table and light and a pleasant view? Or does one side look into the bathroom?

Some structural problems in the bedroom that foster separation are a beam over the bed running lengthwise or a king size mattress on top of two box springs. Solutions might be to move you bed out from under the beam, or cover the beam or decorate it to break up the straight line that symbolizes division. While the solution to the two box springs is to put your king size bed on a wooden platform or put a large red sheet or fabric between the mattress and the bed springs to symbolize the unification of the two halves.

And don’t forget to remove all those electronic gadgets that further zap your vitality while keeping your nervous system buzzing while you try to sleep. Of course exercise equipment and grey file cabinets aren’t going to help much either in setting the mood for love.

Door ways along side the bed may also make it difficult to keep the mate from leaving. Bedrooms separated from the main house may indicate one of the partners has another bedroom to sleep in (and another lover to sleep with). Bedrooms that are toward the front of the house are weaker than toward the back and if the bedroom is extended past the front door this can be very weak and can undermine even the best of relationships. Solutions you can try are placing curtains over doorways, let the kids sleep in the outside bedroom, or in bedrooms to the front of the house. Or put a mirror on the wall connected to the main house to bring the bedroom inside.

Other Indicators Of Relationship Problems

Some indicators of quarreling are symbolized by a stove opposite a sink (fire fights with water) and door knobs that clack against each other. Solutions are fairly easy: hang a crystal on a red ribbon between the stove and sink unifying fire and water. For the door knobs, tie a red ribbon to the two door knobs, cut the ribbon and tie a bow on each end symbolically establishing a unity between these arguing door knobs.

Some times the relationship problem is aggravate by health problems, problems with money or domineering children or in-laws.If you have children or in-laws sleeping in the Relationships Corner of the house, they are likely to be controlling or getting in the way of your relationship with your mate. In this situation it is advisable to hang a picture of the two of you, or something symbolic of the two of you, in the corner of the corner and thereby reclaim control over your relationship. And don’t forget to utilize the Three Secret Enhancements to dynamize your intentions and to amplify your results.

These are just some of the most obvious problems I run into when doing a home consultation. There can be many other very subtle factors as each home is unique. It is truly amazing to observe how we create our reality and then reinforce it by choosing home environments to support us for either positive or negative results. It is also amazing how a little Feng Shui awareness can move you from the negative to the positive.

***Be sure to order my book, Choose the Best House for You: The Feng Shui Checklist. For the feng shui student it is a textbook of Landform Feng Shui problems and their solutions. For the layperson who just want to know what to do, the Checklist format makes it easy to go down the list, see what situations relate to you, turn to the page provided, and learn what solutions you can use to remedy any difficult feng shui situations.